Psh, I can't write shit about myself.
Or, how about an alternative. I'm also Jake Sears. Currently, my account is being hacked by some chick I know who goes by the name of Penn Lamb. Thats right. I'm awesome enough to hack his account. Anyways, I'm here to tell you just about how amazing the as forementioned Jake Sears is. He's so awesome, he could punch a shark/bear hybrid right in the frickin mouth and only come out with a bruise the size of a pin on his knuckles. He is so epic, his shoes are in sheer terror of the strength he wields and ties themselves in the morning. Chuck Norris would cower. THATS RIGHT. JESUS FUCKIN CHUCK NORRIS.
He likes long walks on the beach, slaughtering millions of innocent children and eating entire boxes of waffles. By the way, when I say long walks on the beach I mean LONG walks. Seriously, after like an hour or so people say: "I'm ttiirreedd" but he glares and responds that they should have brought a tent, because this walk is goin go on. Not to make this sound like an internet dating profile though he is single ladies, try not to drool. Seriously, please don't drool. When I'm hanging out with him, I don't want to clean that up. I don't like carrying around a frickin mop, keep swiffer outta my life.
Jake is considerably handsome and is Lord of all Geeks. I am unworthy of his presence yet somehow we get past the whole: "Hey, I'm so awesome the light from my soul will burn your eyes out but I'll tone it down for you." Even though I'm Jesus. Psh.
Wow, I've written a lot more then I thought. I should wrap it up sometime...but not yet. I have one more last thing to say. Jacob is an amazing friend, he'll push what's good for you and only try to bring out the best in you. Because there always is some way someone can change for the better. I owe a lot to him, for who I am now and I honestly want Jake to be as happy as possible because he frickin deserves it.
I guess...that's it. Good day to all of you~ Hacked, or, knowing his password because he should probably change it, by Penn Lamb.